The loss of the husband may mean the loss of the family's chief income producer, imposing on the widow not only sole responsibility for managing the family's finances, but also the problem of compensating for the husband's absent contribution. Following the death of a spouse, the survivor is left with unfamiliar tasks to be accomplished in addition to accustomed ones. The partnership of marriage also serves to divide familial labor. The burden of sole responsibility for children is especially difficult. But most often, and especially if there are children, widows and widowers complain of having to shoulder all responsibilities alone. Occasionally, when a marriage has been filled with conflict, the survivor finds rueful gratification in now being able to decide matters without argument. First, both husband and wife look to the other to collaborate in the setting of marital policy: How should money be used? Where should the family live? Should they have children? If so, how should they be raised? Loss of a spouse leaves the survivor to plan alone. There are two distinct aspects to marital partnerships. The sense of being connected to the lost figure persists-sometimes exacerbating a sense of having been abandoned, sometimes contributing to a sense of continuing in a relationship, although with an absent partner. The death of a spouse ends the relationship but does not sever all relational bonds. Although the strength of particular linkages may vary from one marriage to another, all marriages seem to contain each of these linkages to some extent. Spouses are co-managers of home and family, companions, sexual partners, and fellow members of larger social units. 29 The intensity and persistence of the pain associ ated with this type of bereavement is thought to be due to the emotional valence of marital bonds linking husbands and wives to each other. The death of a husband or wife is well recognized as an emotionally devastating event, being ranked on life event scales as the most stressful of all possible losses. Other types of particularly difficult losses, such as multiple simultaneous deaths resulting from accidents or natural disasters and deaths caused by war and terrorism, are not discussed. There is also discussion of the response to suicide, often regarded as one of the most difficult types of loss to sustain. The focus is on loss of immediate kin-spouse, child, parent, and sibling. This chapter summarizes and discusses current knowledge about the various psychosocial responses to particular types of bereavement. Thus, it is assumed that the death of a spouse, for example, is experienced differently from the death of a child. Because the needs, responsibilities, hopes, and expectations associated with each type of relationship vary, the personal meanings and social implications of each type of death also differ. It is generally acknowledged that the type of relationship lost influences the reactions of the survivor. Of the many musical expressions of bereavement, Gustav Mahler's Kindertotenlieder are among the most poignant and tender Greatly affected by the numerous illnesses of his twelve brothers and sisters, half of whom died, Mahler chose for this song cycle (more.)
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